A Midnight Feed

Having a new baby can be so hard and overwhelming. Feeling sore, tired, leaking from everywhere, emotions all over the board and just exhausted. It’s nature’s cruel joke that when you need a good night’s sleep, your baby wakes you every few hours to eat. Night feedings can feel lonely, especially when breastfeeding and you’re the only one who can do it.

But every once in a while, one of those mid-night feedings pulls you out of the postpartum haze and reminds you of the bond that exists between the two of you. The rest of the house, the rest of the world, is silent and still and it is just you and your baby in this perfect moment. The only sound that fills the air is that of coos and swallows. You know that you are all your baby needs to feel comfort and peace. Now your eyes have adjusted to the darkness just enough to see the silhouette of the child you made and sustain. Your heart swells with love and feels so full that if you loved just a drop more it would explode. Your mind wanders to thoughts of who this baby will become as you feel their tiny body snuggled up to yours. This moment is as close as you will ever get to how you felt when they lived within you, perfectly in sync. Soon their sucks slow and sleepy milk-drunk smiles appear. Tiny fists unfurl and their bodies go limp as they drift off to sleep again. You kiss their cheeks, place baby lovingly back down and slip into sleep of your own.

Most of the time it’s really hard, but sometimes it’s just so easy…